This week let’s try a little experiment. Ready? Think of something that caused you to have a strong reaction.

Did you yell? Did you cry? Shutdown? Throw things? Whatever your reaction, pretend you are someone else looking at you. What would that person think when they saw your behavior? Now think of the person your reaction was aimed at. How do you think they perceived you? Do your actions/reactions portray happiness? Comfort? Love? Kindness? Patience to the other person? Do they see you as weak? Aggressive? Out of control? Scary? Do you make them want to get closer to you? Hold you? or run far away from you?

There is a ripple effect of my behavior. Other’s perceptions often are the opposite of the messages I intend to send.

I’ve learned that my reactions create a bigger wall. How I interpret other people’s reactions also creates a barrier instead of building a bridge. If I’m angry and you apologize, I get angrier. “You don’t really mean it.” If I cry, you shut down. “You don’t even care.” If I shut down, you leave me alone. “You’re happy to get away from me.” Mental communication perceived and not spoken is not communication.

I needed to know why I react the way I do. It’s so easy to blame others. “I only act that way because he…. or she…..” I make excuses and rationalize my behavior. “I have a lot on my plate.” Or, “I take after my father or mother or crazy aunt”. As if it was hereditary and I had no control.

For the next few days I tried to be super conscious of my reactions and what set me off. My God Box was full. My slogan cards worn out. I used my tools whenever I felt the urge to jump into every conversation. The pull to know every detail. The need to intervene and butt my two cents in. It all felt instinctual. WOW! This had become my way.

I NEED CAESAR MILAN!!

I remembered watching that show on TV. A cute little well behaved puppy who lost all sensibility when seeing a squirrel in the yard. All training and calm evaporated. That’s me! I allow myself to be affected by external triggers and lose control almost instantly. (ok not almost) I have my own squirrels controlling me and I’m allowing it!

I laughed at the thought of using a shock collar but quickly dismissed that idea. After some prayer and self reflection the answer for me came eventually. I would look at my communication style and polish my communication skills. Clearly my current habits weren’t serving me or the “pack”. (relationships)

With God’s help I’ll push my own buttons! I thought, “Caesar uses a leash not to yank or punish, but to gently guide. To create boundaries and to communicate.” Keeping Caesar Milan in mind, I imagined wearing an invisible leash.

I Will Practice:

Saying what I mean calmly and clearly. “I’m hurt” “I’m scared”. I will start with “I” feel, “I” think ….. I will not have expectations for the response I get. I will remember everyone is not me. I am responsible for my actions and reactions. Everything is not my business. I am not anyone’s higher power. Not everyone is willing or capable of fulfilling my needs.

OK, squirrels. Here I come. It wasn’t intentional but I saw everyone around me as squirrels. Several of them asked me what I was smiling at. “Oh, I’m just happy . I guess.” was my response. It was true! I finally felt a speck of the control I always wanted. It felt great!

I learned to recognize my own “squirrels.” I continued to use my slogans and God Box. I controlled my reactions (sometimes). As a result, the whole world looked a little less like a battlefield. And a lot more of a pleasant place to be.

I don’t expect others to change. I don’t blame them for trying to push my buttons. I allowed it for so long. Today, ILL PUSH MY OWN BUTTONS. I will take control of the only thing I can. Me and my reactions. I am finding a surprising amount of peace and even joy in the process. For now, I’ll keep the leash on.

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I really enjoy playing these personal mind games with myself. How about you? Do you have any squirrels? Are you ready to put on that leash? Please share in the comments below.