I give and give and give. They take and take and take. I wouldn’t mind if I was appreciated. If all I do wasn’t expected. When will it be my turn? I get no help! …….. If he, she, they would only…. If I want something done, I have to do it myself.

We’ve all been there. The knot in your stomach. The sleepless nights. The constant replay of conversations in your head. You know, THEY are the problem. You dissect their actions, scrutinize their words. You’ve tried reasoning with them, trying to make them see what you see. Yelling, blaming, shaming, punishing, silent treatments, threats and ultimatums – (You’re nodding in agreement right now aren’t you?) So you embark on a mission – You will find solutions, resources or even just understanding of THEIR issues. You seek advice from friends, self-help articles, or even therapy. All these efforts are with the one goal of changing SOMEONE ELSE.

I know I need help and decide my first stop is self help online. Why didn’t I think of this sooner? So many sites to choose from offering empowerment (Yep that’s what I need), ease stress, improve physical and mental health. (OMG, yes!)

Being the impatient person that I am, I dived right in. With one click, I was looking at graphics with muted tones, tranquil scenes, candles burning and a spa-like feel. I started reading with high hopes…. After a LOT of reading, I learned: I am perfect! I am special! I am good! I need to take care of myself, and the universe loves me! They suggested meditation, journaling, relaxation and to just breathe. “Yea, Yea but what about the people in my life causing my pain? What about them? Why am I the one who has to do all this?” I felt discouraged questioning if this was for me.

I looked around at my living room. It was a stark contrast to the spa scene I had been looking at. I thought I’d give it a try by starting with aroma therapy.

I remember that I’d been saving that pretty candle for a special occasion like this. I made my way across the living room. Reality hit me as I stepped on a Lego. I also noticed the dog threw up in the corner. Suddenly, I remembered reading I should “send good vibes into the universe”. This made me laugh a little, but I lit the candle and hoped a little aroma therapy would help.

DAY 2: The $18 candle is burnt to the bottom. I smell a hint of jasmine and pineapple. It mixes with bleach from cleaning the dog vomit. “Positive vibes – positive vibes.” I’m excited to try journaling!

I grab a pen and paper and think of something to write. Hmm, let’s start with today’s date. Yes, I’ll date the pages each day so I can look back and see how much I’ve grown. OK, what now? Hmm…. “Hi journal, I’m new at this. Please forgive me.” My phone rings. “Bye journal, gotta run.”

Day 3: Today, I will listen to a meditation video first. Then, I will write about the experience in my journal. I scroll online through videos and settle for a seven-minute video to start. I sit in a comfortable position and click start and close my eyes. I hear a woman’s voice talking softly and slowly. I think, “Pleasant enough”. She tells me to breathe in and then out. OK, isn’t this what I’ve been doing all along? Have I been breathing wrong? My mind starts to wander about other things I’ve been doing wrong. This isn’t helping. Hoping it’s over soon, I peek at the time… Ugh, six minutes left to go. Realizing I’m feeling more anxious now than before I started this, I shut the video off. Now what am I going to write in my journal? I can’t quit! I have to make this work!

I’ll try a different self-help site online. I knew right from the beginning this one would work. WOW! Steaming rocks, a waterfall backdrop, tropical trees and floating flowers. This has got to be better than the last one. Again, I read and read and skimmed to get to the “how to” part. The first suggestion was to “Find peace in everyday tasks.” They advised focusing on the sensation of warm water running on your hands. Try to watch the visual transformation of the clean dishes. That’s where I quit!

I sat there with feelings and thoughts of, “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I do this?” Well, at least I tried. I go about my day as usual resigning myself that this is my life. I tell myself to “stop complaining. That so many people have it worse than me”. My life will be better someday. This will happen when the kids are older. It will improve when I’m better off financially. I think it will get better when I lose weight. It will change when I retire. My career will take off then…….

Does any of this sound familiar? We all do it. The specific scenario doesn’t matter. Somedays, the self-doubt, the if only. The he should, she should, and they should. And my life will be better.

Yes, when I say, “we all” I mean we all. Everyone is included, whether rich or poor, or young or old. No matter pretty or ugly, famous or not famous. whether smart, dumb, or educated, of any religion, of any race. It doesn’t matter professional or blue-collar. Whether they are criminals or innocent. You name it – ALL HUMANS.

OUR WANTS MAY BE DIFFERENT BUT OUR NEEDS ARE THE SAME

My hope for this blog is to become a safe place for anyone to share their journey. To never feel lonely. A space to hear different perspectives and new ideas. A comfort zone any time of day or night to find healing and growth. We need each other to build a community of support, empowerment and growth. We’re all beginners and everyone is welcome. Everyone sharing experience, strength and hope is vital for this blog to succeed. So, let’s be interactive, don’t be shy.

There will be no advice given, no critique of contributing posts, no personal information about anyone. To learn new tools for self-reflection and growth. To help each other build self-esteem, and true empowerment. But, above all to build and strengthen your connection to something greater than yourself.

ON THIS BLOG WE STRIVE FOR PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

Take the Quiz below!

• Do you ever wish for “Someday”?
• Do you ever feel ungrateful at wanting more out of life?
• On a scale of 0 – 10 How much do you want a change in your life?
• Do you feel your problems are caused by other people or situations beyond your control?
• Have you done everything you knew to improve your life?
• What did you learn about your “Someday aspirations”?

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