After about one month into my journey, I was still sharing my tale of woes from the past week. Someone asked me, “But how are you?” For once in my life, I didn’t have the answer. I had no idea of how or who I was. My focus had been on others for so long, I had lost me. I was told to focus on myself. I truly questioned what that meant. Do I get my hair done? Shop? Take a nap? I was reassured that the answers would come if I started learning “new tools”. Since the tools I’d been using hadn’t worked, I was curious and eager to learn. “OK, Where do I start? Please tell me what tools do I need?” It was the beginning of noticeable and much needed changes in ME.

I’m an over-thinker. Usually about problems. Now I started thinking solutions. It made sense. I thought back to when I was a little girl watching my grandmother peel potatoes with a knife. She would peel all the skin off the potato in one spiral piece and made it look so easy. It amazed me and I wanted to do that one day. Years later, I started cooking for my family. I found using a potato peeler was much easier than grandma’s way. What had worked for grandma then wasn’t the best way for me now. With a lot of effort, I could continue struggling. Or, I could use a more effective, easier ways. It’s my choice to start a fire by rubbing 2 sticks together like I am used to. Why don’t I just use a lighter? Hmm…. I thought. Yes, I do need new tools.

Feeling a little apprehensive, I decided the first “tool” I’d try was using the suggested “slogans”. I wrote them down. When I got home, I wrote the slogans on index cards. This way, I can keep them with me at all times. (Suggested slogans are in the Toolbox)

Everyday for the next week, I read and reread the cards. Whenever my mind started thinking of someone else, I read my slogan cards. When I thought about what someone said or what they will or won’t do, cards. Easy Does it, First Things First, and Keep it Simple worked best for me. I was learning how to take my focus off other people which was progress. But I still didn’t know how to focus on me. Me who? Easy does it! First Things First! Keep It Simple!

I had to write 2 more index cards and add them to the deck. They read: Mind Your Business and Keep Your Mouth Shut. Both were extremely hard for me to do. After all, everything is my business. You’re my child, my spouse, partner, friend, co-worker, mother, sister, person on line in front of me at the supermarket. Whomever you are, you need my advice. I will correct you when you are wrong. I will show you a better way (my way).” You’ll be sorry. I told you so. Don’t come crying to me if you don’t take my advice”. Whoa! – I think I’m finding the lost me and I don’t think I like what I’m seeing. Time for Tool #2 – The Serenity Prayer. (Toolbox)

In the next few days, I read the cards and said the Serenity Prayer many times throughout the day. I really didn’t understand how they would help, but in one week’s time, they did! I became aware of specific moments. These were times when I would normally jump into a conversation, give advice, worry, or make a snide comment. My mind started to think of my slogans without having to read the cards. “Keep your mouth shut, mind your business, Easy Does it, and the Serenity Prayer.” Well, what’d ya know? I finally understood what self-awareness was. I felt a change in me, and I was starting to find a better version of me. I was learning self-control. These seemingly small changes to me were HUGE. It energized me to keep learning, practicing, and growing. More Tools? Bring em on! EASY DOES IT!

I was so excited to share my experience. The next week, my shares were all about me. I was amazed that using my new tool of slogans worked! I actually felt better and thanked everyone as if I’d learned everything there was to know. I was so pleased with myself until….. I was asked if I was ready to take care of myself. Oh NO! There’s more???

Together we will lift each other up, share, listen and grow…….