Imagine searching the internet for a recipe to make a seven layer chocolate cake. Several recipes pop up with pictures good enough to eat. You choose the one you find most appealing and click on “jump to recipe”.

Is all this information necessary? Listed is prep time. Cook time and temperature. # of Servings. Calories. Equipment needed. Ingredients for cake. Ingredients for frosting. Directions and nutritional values. It’s amazing that all that information is available with just a few clicks of your mouse.

It’s not magic though. Someone, somewhere entered all that information into a database. You hope you chose the right recipe and wind up with a cake that somewhat resembles the picture shown. More importantly, tastes delicious.

You set out all the ingredients and equipment listed and get started. Measure, mix, bake, cool, frost. done! It looks great. You taste a nibble. WOW! It tastes great too! You are proud of yourself for a job well done. You can’t wait to serve it to your family and guests.

Let’s imagine for a moment the same scenario with one or two things left out. One ingredient for the cake was left out of the recipe. Or, there was a typo with the bake time. All the information needed to bake that cake wasn’t available. Do you think you’d be as happy with the results? Would you feel defeated that your efforts were for nothing?

After months of self reflection my self awareness peaked. Anxiety crept in. I started to wonder how much self awareness is enough? Can a person have too much self awareness? I knew what I was good at. I knew what I needed to work on. I noticed improvements in my attitude and in my overall mood. My relationship with God was getting stronger each day. I felt God’s presence in my life and looked for and found signs daily. My focus was on me and not (as much) on other people.

NOW WHAT?

I wondered where do I go from here? My impatience, (still a difficult thing for me) was mounting. I prayed for answers and direction. Quietly, EGO set in. Maybe I know all there is to know about myself. What do I do with all this information?

I made an appointment with a licensed therapist. A different perspective was definitely needed.

At my first session, I sat across from the therapist who was smiling as she introduced herself. She asked me what brought me there. Never shy, I explained my journey of self-reflection and self-awareness. I spoke about struggling with certain things. The therapist asked for examples of a time where I felt a struggle. My mind instantly jumped to the past weekend. On Friday night, I had spoken with my husband and agreed we’d clean out the garage the next day, Saturday.

Saturday morning, I’m up bright and early. I’m in the garage moving things, sorting, piling, bagging, etc. He’s on his second cup of coffee. I ask, “Are you going to help me or not?” He assures me he will. Long story short – I got aggravated. I said some nasty things under my breath but loud enough to get him to come to the garage.

Oh, so now he decided to come help me. Why do I have to be aggravated first for him to do something? My thoughts spiraled. All my practice and prayer abandoned me. I had to deal with him, the situation, and myself with my old tools. Sorry to admit it, but it felt comfortable and I was sucked right back into crazy. I said, “Never mind, I can do it without you.” He left the garage. I got angrier. I looked to the therapist for some validation that I acted appropriately and he didn’t. But I knew, after saying it out loud that is who I used to be. I’ve had a slip. I am aware of the slip. I can be gentle with myself. I can work on it. I can change. Progress not perfection. I was thinking all these things and practically forgot she was there looking at me. I looked up at her and she said calmly, ” Everyone is not you.”

She asked about the conversation on Friday evening. What was discussed and agreed upon. As I explained my recollection of what was said, I realized. My slip started then.

I didn’t consider my husband’s timeline being different than mine. I didn’t communicate clearly the time I’d like to start. Was I willing to compromise if he had a different plan or start time? Were my expectations fair?

I left the office with renewed resolve to change me. Fix me. Be kinder to me and others. To communicate more clearly. To have fair expectations. To trust the process. To use my tools more effectively. To be honest with myself. To not leave out important information to skew an outcome or opinion.

I realized, just like a computer, the therapist collects the data I share. Without self awareness and honesty all the data necessary is not available for an effective or constructive session. My personal growth will not be rewarding if I leave out some parts of me. Just like the cake would not be delicious leaving out some ingredients or instructions. Honesty and all the information is necessary to get the desired results.

TODAY I CHOOSE TO BE A DELICIOUS CAKE!

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How’d your cake turn out? Please share your secret ingredients in the comments below.